Daddys Rules for Dating.

As some of you know I am the father of three young daughters, so I am implementing these rules immediately, especially rules two, four, nine and ten.

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.

The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her make up, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.

The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

OH SO True

Monster~DS~ wrote:

OH SO True

Lol ive only got talked to from a girls dad about 1-5 and 7-9
And Monster...lol I wish it werent true lol =] =]

I like those rules... Should just about run anybody off from the jump.

LMAO well it is True and it wont Change

The missus thinks I should print it off, frame it and stick it up in the hall for any potential suitors that call to the house.

hey there you go that will work i think i will too and save it for when i need it or hand it to them as soon as they walk in the door and make sure they understand what it says.

Well im not coming to either one of your guyses houses =p
I think parents are scary scary lol =S

Just as this comes up ... My 15 year old sister likes an 18 year old and he also likes her. They didn't start dating because she didn't want to go behind my dad's back ... When my mum told my dad about this lad my dad's words were "NO WAY, NO FUKING WAY" He has been told to wait another 11 month till she is 16

=/ thats a bit harsh...dont ya think lol?

Pitbull wrote:

=/ thats a bit harsh...dont ya think lol?

NO CHANCE
As my dad said to me & the lad, he is 18, can go out to a pub/club get offered a girl and so on, say yes and there my poor lil sister sitting and home not knowing any better

Not knowing any better...?? =/
Ok im 16 and heck...im more mature than alot of adults
and what there is like a 3 year difference...only
and she should be able to make decisions for herself...Right??

My sister is 15 years old ... I don't know about where you live but shes not legal for anything yet. My mum was fine with it but told them she had to be there most of the time. The lad still comes out with us at weekends and party's with us and stays at ours (all as a friend) but no chance will they get into a relationship. My sister wouldn't do that to my dad anyway

over in the uk, thers alotta diff to dads. my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis. or hed have me do it as usual -_-

Quote :

My sister is 15 years old ... I don't know about where you live but shes not legal for anything yet. My mum was fine with it but told them she had to be there most of the time. The lad still comes out with us at weekends and party's with us and stays at ours (all as a friend) but no chance will they get into a relationship. My sister wouldn't do that to my dad anyway.

My dad loves the lad to bits but just doesn't want my sister in a relationship with him right now

lol not to bad i guess =] lol

Gasoline wrote:

my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis.

Personally I would kneecap the prevert.

What the hell is the matter with him he can't get girls his own age.

§lâinê ~Ч~ wrote:

Gasoline wrote:

my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis.

What the hell is the matter with him he can't get girls his own age.

Tbh, I don't actually know

My rule is dont obey the parents rules and youll have a funner time =]

Pitbull wrote:

My rule is dont obey the parents rules and youll have a funner time =]

I have always obeyed my parents rules and still have a great time

Are you kidding me...You need to try it sum time...youll have way more fun

*whispers**she'll git smacked if she does**whisper*

Pitbull wrote:

Are you kidding me...You need to try it sum time...youll have way more fun

I don't need to. I've had all the fun I need. It's called respect

wilknight wrote:

*whispers**she'll git smacked if she does**whisper*

My parents have never hit me or my sister

sum people i cant believe lol

kidding

I Agree with Slaine He would get kneeCap Respect is everything with a parent Get Farther when they know they can trust there Kid's and here 15 will get you 20 right along with 16-17
and if you get the Wrong Parent then your a rose Bush