Death Squad

Old Gamers, New Games
 
HomePortalFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Daddys Rules for Dating.

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
§làiñê ~Ч~
Council of War
Council of War
avatar

Number of posts : 2442
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 45
Location : Gods own wee country

PostSubject: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Thu 22 Jan 2009, 17:11

As some of you know I am the father of three young daughters, so I am implementing these rules immediately, especially rules two, four, nine and ten. Twisted Evil

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.

Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you.

Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this.

The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.

Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her make up, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot bellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside.

The camouflaged face at the window is mine. Twisted Evil

_________________


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gofuckyourself.com
Monster~DS~

avatar

Number of posts : 499
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Age : 52
Location : Your Backyard

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Thu 22 Jan 2009, 21:49

OH SO True
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 04:33

Monster~DS~ wrote:
OH SO True
Lol ive only got talked to from a girls dad about 1-5 and 7-9
And Monster...lol I wish it werent true lol =] =]
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
~G~
Council of War
Council of War
avatar

Number of posts : 409
Registration date : 2009-01-24
Age : 43
Location : FL. Bitch... You can come get Me

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 22:17

I like those rules... Should just about run anybody off from the jump.

_________________






Back to top Go down
View user profile
Monster~DS~

avatar

Number of posts : 499
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Age : 52
Location : Your Backyard

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 22:31

LMAO well it is True and it wont Change
Back to top Go down
View user profile
§làiñê ~Ч~
Council of War
Council of War
avatar

Number of posts : 2442
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 45
Location : Gods own wee country

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 22:38

The missus thinks I should print it off, frame it and stick it up in the hall for any potential suitors that call to the house. Very Happy

_________________


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gofuckyourself.com
Monster~DS~

avatar

Number of posts : 499
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Age : 52
Location : Your Backyard

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 22:51

hey there you go that will work i think i will too and save it for when i need it or hand it to them as soon as they walk in the door and make sure they understand what it says.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:23

Well im not coming to either one of your guyses houses =p
I think parents are scary scary lol =S
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:24

Just as this comes up ... My 15 year old sister likes an 18 year old and he also likes her. They didn't start dating because she didn't want to go behind my dad's back ... When my mum told my dad about this lad my dad's words were "NO WAY, NO FUKING WAY" He has been told to wait another 11 month till she is 16
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:25

=/ thats a bit harsh...dont ya think lol?
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:28

Pitbull wrote:
=/ thats a bit harsh...dont ya think lol?

NO CHANCE
As my dad said to me & the lad, he is 18, can go out to a pub/club get offered a girl and so on, say yes and there my poor lil sister sitting and home not knowing any better
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:30

Not knowing any better...?? =/
Ok im 16 and heck...im more mature than alot of adults
and what there is like a 3 year difference...only
and she should be able to make decisions for herself...Right??

My sister is 15 years old ... I don't know about where you live but shes not legal for anything yet. My mum was fine with it but told them she had to be there most of the time. The lad still comes out with us at weekends and party's with us and stays at ours (all as a friend) but no chance will they get into a relationship. My sister wouldn't do that to my dad anyway


Last edited by Pitbull on Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:34; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
Gasoline
Council of War
Council of War
avatar

Number of posts : 749
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : England

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:33

over in the uk, thers alotta diff to dads. my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis. or hed have me do it as usual -_-

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:35

Quote :
My sister is 15 years old ... I don't know about where you live but shes not legal for anything yet. My mum was fine with it but told them she had to be there most of the time. The lad still comes out with us at weekends and party's with us and stays at ours (all as a friend) but no chance will they get into a relationship. My sister wouldn't do that to my dad anyway.

My dad loves the lad to bits but just doesn't want my sister in a relationship with him right now


Last edited by §lâinê ~Ч~ on Wed 04 Feb 2009, 00:32; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Fixed your quotes.)
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Tue 03 Feb 2009, 23:38

lol not to bad i guess =] lol
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
§làiñê ~Ч~
Council of War
Council of War
avatar

Number of posts : 2442
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 45
Location : Gods own wee country

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 00:35

Gasoline wrote:
my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis.

Personally I would kneecap the prevert. Twisted Evil

What the hell is the matter with him he can't get girls his own age. Evil or Very Mad

_________________


Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.gofuckyourself.com
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 00:37

§lâinê ~Ч~ wrote:
Gasoline wrote:
my dad would kick the 18 year olds ass for likin my sis.
What the hell is the matter with him he can't get girls his own age. Evil or Very Mad

Tbh, I don't actually know Idea
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 03:52

My rule is dont obey the parents rules and youll have a funner time =]
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 03:53

Pitbull wrote:
My rule is dont obey the parents rules and youll have a funner time =]

I have always obeyed my parents rules and still have a great time Wink
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 03:58

Are you kidding me...You need to try it sum time...youll have way more fun
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
wilknight

avatar

Number of posts : 63
Registration date : 2009-01-26
Location : US(o)A

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 04:02

*whispers**she'll git smacked if she does**whisper*

Rolling Eyes lol!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Alvár
Comrade in Arms
Comrade in Arms
avatar

Number of posts : 276
Registration date : 2009-01-15
Age : 27
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 04:02

Pitbull wrote:
Are you kidding me...You need to try it sum time...youll have way more fun

I don't need to. I've had all the fun I need. It's called respect

wilknight wrote:
*whispers**she'll git smacked if she does**whisper*

Rolling Eyes lol!

My parents have never hit me or my sister Wink
Back to top Go down
View user profile https://www.facebook.com/CherylFallow
Pitbull

avatar

Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-02-01
Age : 24
Location : A Castle In The Sky

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 04:05

sum people i cant believe lol
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.myspace.com/wakerofthedead
wilknight

avatar

Number of posts : 63
Registration date : 2009-01-26
Location : US(o)A

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 04:10

kidding Rolling Eyes
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Monster~DS~

avatar

Number of posts : 499
Registration date : 2009-01-17
Age : 52
Location : Your Backyard

PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   Wed 04 Feb 2009, 12:36

I Agree with Slaine He would get kneeCap Respect is everything with a parent Get Farther when they know they can trust there Kid's and here 15 will get you 20 right along with 16-17
and if you get the Wrong Parent then your a rose Bush Twisted Evil
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Daddys Rules for Dating.   

Back to top Go down
 
Daddys Rules for Dating.
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Martian Rebellion, with figs and GURPS rules(SAVAGE WORLDS?)
» Rules and Guidelines for hosting a party
» NYC Singles New York Speed Dating- WeekendDating Speed Dating- Men 40-52; Wom 37-49
» LEGENDARY BATTLE SCENARIO RULES
» Need Imperial Flyer Rules

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Death Squad :: Community Section :: Humour Forum-
Jump to: